Paul the perplexed Platypus

Paul was a perplexed platypus. He was dating Dolly Duck and Bonnie Beaver at the same time. Dolly and Bonnie never knew about each other and Paul was determined to keep it that way.

One day, Paul the platypus decided to go visit his old friend, Wally, who was the wisest wolverine in the Wabble Woods Wilderness reserve. Paul found Wally napping by a large pine tree stump and woke him with a few loud slaps of his tail against the ground.

Wally woke startled...he snapped and growled at Paul...screaming,"Holy moly Michigan.... Paul....don't sneak up on me like that...I was dreaming that a Buckeye tree was about to fall on me...it was chewed in half by red and gray beavers!"

Paul grinned and said,"Sorry Wally...I just need some advice."

Wally stretched....slumped back against the tree stump and yawned,"OK....OOOOOKAAAYAH...what's the problem?"

Paul sat up on his hind legs and tail, saying,"I am a perplexed platypus that can't decide which pretty prospect of pure pleasure that I should pick to be my precious and permanent pal of perpetual play."

Wally crossed his eyes....shook his head and said,"WHAT?"

Paul grumbled,"I'm trying to choose a mate....I can't decide between Dolly and Bonnie."

Wally thought for a minute and calmly said,"Well Paul, tell me about each of their qualities."

Paul grinnned and said,"Dolly is sooooo hot...when we rub bills....my fur...my particular fur I say...pops up faster than a parrot attemping to perch on a porcupine!"

Wally smirked and said,"Oh really....it sounds as if your attraction to Dolly is quite largely, physical."

Paul trembled with excitement....slapped his tail repeatedly and growled,"You should see her waddle...uuhuhhuuhuuuu.....last week...she looked over her shoulder as she pranced back to the pond...I fell backwards and proceeded to...well...let's just say... I propelled my passion!"

Wally cocked his head to one side and questioned,"Do you have anything in common with Dolly?"

Paul thought for a moment...grinned and said,"Well...we both like water...and...swimming..and...fish...and, that's about it."

Wally the wolverine scratched his back against the tree stump and said,"Now tell me about Bonnie."

Paul stuck his tongue out of the side of his bill and slurped...saying,"Oh yeah...Bonnie....when she slaps her tail in the mud....uuhuhuhuhuhuhuuuu.....I just get stiff all over!"

Paul then said with a moan,"She slapped her tail in the mud yesterday and I just pounded my perky protrusion into a pleasant plump clump of convenient clay."

Wally screamed,"Jeesh Paul....you mated with a wet dirt clod...why didn't you just ask Bonnie to mate with you?"

Paul shyly said,"Well...you know Wally....she wants to do it at the right time...after a commitment of course....and...the primordial pit was perfect for the then pertinent predicament."

Wally the wolverine put his paw under his chin and said,"It seems as if you like Dolly's bill and Bonnie's tail....perhaps you should find a platypus who has a bill and tail that woos your wild?"

Paul shouted," I don't want a regular old platypuss...I'm attracted to ducks and beavers!"

Wally gasped,"Ducks and beavers....I thought Bonnie and Dolly were platypusses....you mean to tell me that you want to choose between Dolly Duck or Bonnie Beaver...YOU'RE INSANE!"

Paul cut in,"That's... platipi...the plural...Wally."

Wally screamed,"SHUT UP!"

Wally desperately went on,"Think of the offspring....with Bonnie...big tails and little bills....with Dolly...big bills and tiny tails....pardon the pun my friend but you have a quack in your dam!"

Paul drooped his shoulders...hung his head and said,"I know...but I want to be different....I just want to be different."

Wally sighed,"It's OK Paul...maybe it's just a phase....I'm sure someday a nice young female platypus will wisk you off your webbed feet."

Wally then said,"I have to get busy digging a new den..if Wanda comes home and finds out I've been napping and talking....there will be hell to pay!"

Wally went a few feet from his stump and began digging in a small hillside. Paul watched him...cleared his throat and softly said,"Wow....Wally....seeing you from behind like this...I just might change....."

Wally whipped around...growled deep and huffed out,"Don't even go there Paul....don't even go there!"